1862 March 14 Williamsburg, Va.

Fort Magruder near Wmsburg
14 March 1862

The day after I reached Yorktown (the
28th ulto.) I wrote you, Miss [Hettie] Cary, touching
what occurred when we last parted.
I deemed an apology as due alike
to you & myself. I have not heard
one word in reply--& for days have
been at a loss to know what to do-
Sometimes I wd think you were
unkind & ungenerous enough to
receive my explanation in silence--
& wd think well this ends all
intercourse between us--& that
painful as was the loss of your
friendship, still I could not consis-
-tently with my self-respect do
more than I had done to retain it--
You know enough of my feelings toward
you to be aware how painful was
this view of the question. For some
years past life has had but few
charms for me--I have almost

[page 2]
at times been weary of it--& but
for a dread of something worse hereaf-
-ter might have laid it down--
It was under these circumstances
that I saw you in Richmond--my
old feelings of admiration & partiality
for you at once revived--a new
zest was given to life--I felt
a positive enjoyment in it--It
was no longer purposeless--There
was your esteem to strive for-
I hoped to make you feel more
partial to me than to all other
men--If you can enter into these
feelings, you can form some idea
as to the pain it gave me to con-
-template a rupture of those re-
-lations which had from our
earliest acquaintance existed
between us. Still I felt unwilling
to stoop to avoid even your ids-
-pleasure--did I suppose my

[page 3]
letter was recd & had you declined
to answer it, because in a long
series of ears I had been guilty
of one breach of propriety prompted
by affection & not disrespect, I shd
never write this letter--No, I
write because it may be that
either my letter to you or your
answer may have miscarried--
& I am unwilling that any accident
of this sort shall estrange us--
I wish you to write so that
I may know whether my letter
was recd. & if so, whether you an-
-swered it, & how?

The character of your reply will determine our
future relations--the matter
rests entirely with you to decide--
In any event, let me hear from
you--so that I may not longer
be kept in suspense. This,
at least, you can not refuse.

[page 4]
That it is your duty to accept
my apology is to my mind
unquestionable. Shd your reply
assure me of a continuance of
your kind feelings for me--I shd
be pleased to learn the probable
length of your stay in Richmond.
Forgive the soiled character
of my paper--It is the best
that the camp affords--so
long as I am not certain that
your friendship is withdrawn,
I shall take pleasure & pride
in subscribing myself--
Very truly Your friend
S. V. Southall
Albemarle Artilley--
Williamsburg.

MSS 1415