1862 March 26 Rapidan, Va.

Rapidan March 26, 1862

Dear Ma
I have just finished & despatched a long letter to
Sister, (which has not yet tho' I suppose left Richmond when I sent
it to be forwarded) but upon receiving last night from the girls your
last letter I determined to write you another immediately. What in
the world is the use tho? I have written & written & written, the only fate
of my letters is to be sunk in the Potomac, or to fall into the hands of some
of Lincoln's vile crew. Oh! that I had his vile head under my heel, I would
give one stamp for each of my letters, the loss or destruction of which has been
caused by his mercenary wretches. My hatred to everything which has any
connection with a Yankee is becoming so intense that I am actually surprised
at it myself. And as for such men as Major Barnard, Capt Goldsborough
&c to whom I one though men & gentlemen, I now feel that either term is
entirely misapplied to them, and I loathe them accordingly--I wonder
sometimes what Widie would think did she see her great & especial pet
Dr. Murray, in the ranks of the "vile rebels"--How sorry I am that Widie
has any connection with them I feel I can never even have the same
feeling towards her as formerly. Another difficulty in the way of receiving letters is the sending them by these secret agents, many of whom I see very frequently,& some of whom are clever men, but the majority of them give more
information than they ever bring back & a letter entrusted to them might
as well be sent into Washington under a flag of truce & directed to old
Abe. I have not a particle of doubt that many of Sister Hettie's & our
letters are now in Washington left there by such men; otherwise why should
a portion of our mail to you be received & others of our letters sent by the same
hand never again be heard of. It is a very great damper upon ones
epistolary abilities to feel all the time that every thing he writes--every

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message of love or friendship, may probably suffer the pollution of
a Yankee's gaze--The very thought is enough to make one's blood boil.
How absurd is the idea that people animated by such feelings can ever
mingle together again in brotherly love and friendship. I would rather
starve all my days than ask a crust of bread of a yankee. If they
would conduct the war upon christian, or even human principles it
would not be so bad, but they certainly are fit followers of an
Illinois hog. You seem, dear Ma, to be very desponding in your letter,
indeed I knew you would be. Our reverses were calculated to make
you all, who could have no communication with our side, despond very
much, much more in fact than we do here. We all feel it to be
the very best thing that could have happened to us, awaking us from
the lethargy into which we were thrown by the battle of Manassas, and
teaching us that we have still something to do. Hitherto they have not
approached our homes, so nearly, & had not consequently waked up the
people, but now everyone sees that it is a struggle for life, liberty &
homes, and the conviction, as it is forced upon them, brings them
into the field with the determination to conquer or die. We have been
too, placing too much reliance upon England & France. Our course has
not been manly enough. Had we six moths ago withdrawn every
agent from Europe & settled down with the determination to conquer by
ourselves, our people would not have been deluded by the hope of
having the quarrel settled for them, but would have probably settled
it themselves by this time. We can only however learn by experience & I
hope our Govt. has now seen the folly of cringing & begging at foreign
courts, the very act itself being enough to deter them from recog-
nizing a people, who wanted some one to help them at the beginning
of a fight. We can never be whipped, we have only to retire into our
country, burn up our Cotton & tobacco & supplies & behold the whole world

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nearly thrown into such a state as will take them years to recover from.
We can then ask England & France why they refused to take our staples
when we offered them upon the most advantageous terms. If they
chose to stand by & let Lincoln starve their operatives, let them do so.
You say you fear this will be a long war; it is impossible to say positively
what it will be, but I was very glad to hear that Pa thought as he did.
Should the war continue over the Summer, that is, should we not cross into
Maryland before July, I think school had better be broken up, and all
of you come over here. I am afraid for the girls to go home & I dont see why
you all cant come here. Your school, from the picture you drew of it,
certainly need not detain you; Pa's duty as he says--calls him here; and
Syd's education can be continued as well here as there. You, can
come over anytime by flag of truce. It is very hard to think of Sister's
being cut off from us all, and that is the only objection to the plan, but in
the contingency that I mentioned that this will probably be a protracted
war, and then I see no other course to pursue. Oh! how I should
rejoice if we could only join you before that time; wouldn't it be
glorious? But you know the fortunes of war are doubtful, and no
one knows where we will be then.---

[this letter of John B. Cary will continue on Saturday the 29th]

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