Sunday, October 21, 2012

1862 October 22 Fauquier County, Va.

[from the diary of Anne Madison Willis Ambler]

Heard last night of poor Mrs. Mary [?] losing
five children with scarlet fever. She had
seven-all gone but the oldest & youngest--Oh!
God be with her in this sore trial-Teach her
to lean on Thy Son, Comfort her from Thy [?]

Felt sad all day.  What would I not
give for an assured hope in Christ
I know that I want faith, my heart is
so impenetrable--I can not believe as I should
do,- I once thought that as I grew in years I
would grow in grace & looked beyond impatiently
for the time to come when I would be better--
But now I know that I must live here
& now for God every hour: if I ever expect to
be fully his, ie. to bring every thought & action
in subjugation to his will= I am so
[?] to forget that it is only through Christ
I am saved & strengthened. If I could be
less self righteous & trust more in my Saviour--
O God teach me to examine myself
Indeed I think that I am sincere in
making this last effort to turn now
to Thee, But Oh, I am so weak I
have thought so many times before & fallen
--Teach me humility= Be merciful
unto --Sancitify [sic]

[1st paragraph transcribed in 1972 by her granddaughter Anne Madison Wright Baylor]

MSS 15406


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