1862 October 24

[from the diary of Anne Madison Willis Ambler]

Spent the day as usual. this difference
only that I enjoyed my bible: & Bickersteth on
the Lords supper, more than I have done
for a long time--Why is it that my
heart is so cold, I know that I do
not love God. nor Holy things as I should
do.  sometimes I fear that I do not
even try to love him--I ought to love
him without trying--& it seems to me that
if I was truely his child= I would do so-
it needs no effort for me to love my
earthly father--why can not I love my
heavenly as naturally=Oh I forget, the natural
[?] is opposed to Gods hates his ways
it is this evil nature we have to struggle
against--Oh I am so ignorant.  The way
seems so hard to find=I often wish for
some friend to show me the path ahead.
Every hour =then I should never fall=Oh
God give me the Holy Spirit to keep me to
find this friend in Jesus I want thy
grace assisting me--to put behind me
all earthly aids & seek the one great friend
Jesus Christ.  Yes I will believe that he
will help me.  I know that he does but
my faith is too weak--Oh God increase
it. Strengthen me for Christs sake.
My heart felt so much towards my dear husbands
[?] in his spiritual welfare that I wrote him a long letter on

[in left margin of page]
the subject=hope that I did not write in a spirit of dictation.  Hoped that
                                                                                         I would not

MSS 15406