1862 October 19 Fauquier County, Va.

[from the diary of Anne Madison Willis Ambler]
Sunday, October 19, 1862
    I do not know why exactly, but my heart
is more filled with love for God than I have
felt it for a long time.  I have been so cold in
prayer, so lifeless,but to day I feel more that
I am not utterly forsaken by the Holy Spirit
then I have dared to feel for a long time.  I read
the II part of a sermon by Laurin from the text
Seek the Lord early while he may be found,
call upon him while he is near, Ish--
  I am so thankful that I read it; it brings
me nearer to God, But Oh, I am such a
weak, miserable sinner, rejoice to day & fall
to morrow--Is there any one on earth, who is
called a Christian that so often feels, dead, weak
& cold to Holy things as I do--I know how it will
be too well. As I sat to night alone, after reading- I
felt so many more good desires-springing up within
me that I thought I would never sin, any more
but I know too well that with to morrows
sun, all such feelings will pale--to
be  [?] by the side of such antagonists as are in
my heart--If I could only feel assured that
I am in the "right way", &  striving to
fight the "good fight of faith," But my
heart is so deceitful, so wicked above all
things that I can never know.  O, God wash
me with my Saviours blood & I shall be whiter than snow.
Fill me with the Holy Spirit for the sake of thy sun Jesus Christ
                            Amen