Sunday, June 3, 2012

1862 June 4 Clifton

Clifton  June 4th 1862

My beloved Husband

I have just received
two letters from you, of the 28th and 29th, and am so
far comforted, as to know that you were well
when they were written.   I am distressed to find
that none of my letters seem to reach you, but
I hope by this time you have received a number--
A strange incapacity for believing that any thing
I write will ever reach you, depresses me, and
makes it seem useless to make the attempt--yet
there has scarcely been a day since you left us, that
a letter from home has not been sent to you.  I will
allow none to pass in future.  Mary wrote to you
yesterday--The constant stretch of anxiety has be=
come very hard to endure--Last night was a
wretched none--My own bodily comfort , was a
sort of torture, by the dreadful contrasts it suggested-
I could not sleep at all, till the  day-light somewhat
reassured me.  I have a letter from Mother

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this morning, written with a good deal of cheerfulness.  She
had received a pleasant letter from Alfred, and altogether
seemed to bear up, with spirit & fortitude.
I received this morning a letter of the 31st May,
from Mr. J. Brooks, informing me of the appointment
of Mr. Wm. M. Lewis as paymaster to your fleet; and
kindly offering me any service in his power, as he
would have frequent communication with you,
through the paymaster & his clerks, stores &c., which
might enable him to have information which
the irregularity of the mails might prevent my
receiving.  I wrote to thank him, saying how
gratefully I accepted his offer, to give me any
information about you.  I also enclosed an
order for $400, according to your instructions,
asking to have that amount transferred to my order
at the Farmer's & Mechanic's Bank, Georgetown D.C.
as I found that the men wanted money, and the
harvest coming on, while there was but a
small balance left for me at the Bank.
Nothing has been done yet towards making the
hay--Tom Flynn says that, the clover is not
suffering--It is raining hard to day--We have
had wet weather for some time, unsuitable for

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cutting grass; it is heavier this year, tom says, than
he has ever sent seen it. He seems to find
great difficulty in procuring men to assist him,
and altogether, I fear, has but little capacity
at present, for managing anything.  As far as
I am capable, I will do all in my power to give
proper directions, but you know, how little I am
without you, to tell me what to do.
Nina continues better, but she still has a bad cough
which troubles me--as much as anything can trouble
me, apart from yourself--Oh my husband,
the the[sic] agony of this suffering is almost beyond
endurance--Generally I can keep calm in the
day but I break down at night--It is so terrible
in the dark, without you.
I hope soon to hear that Charlie has reached you
and is able to be of some use to you--It would be
a privilege to wait on you at least--to attend
to your personal wants & comforts--I have suffered
greatly about the boy--and have been much
harassed by the fear of your disapproval----
All I can say is, it seemed right, when the step
was taken--Will I ever see you both--well
and safe--- My poor aching heart asks no other

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question--Ass to what people call, fame, glory, rep=
utation, I despise it all--I have seen enough
in the last year or two to make me understand
its value--and besides, if every human being in
this world, were to unite in praising or blaming
you, you could neither be elevated or injured by
it, in my eyes--Have I not always known what
you are--Only come back to me, safe & well
my beloved Husband--and I will ask nothing
else--I have never had any apprehension about
the safety of Washington, though there was consid=
erable alarm at one time--could I send you any
thing through Mr. Brooks--I am so sorry to hear of
the loss of your underclothing, which must, I fear add
greatly to your discomfort--We are all going on
about as usual--my eyes are very painful and
a good deal inflamed; I shall reserve them now
altogether for writing--May reads me aloud even
you dear letters--I do appreciate the tender care,
which causes you to write so often in the midst of
such pressing duties, and so much discomfort--
Mary and the children send their est love
to their dear Father and Brother--Heaven grant
that I may soon have good tidings from you--
                                    Your devoted wife

unsigned letter from Elvira Ellet, wife of Charles Ellet, Jr. in command of the Queen of the West.



MSS 276

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