1862 June 1 Clifton

                                             Clifton June 1st 1862
                                                     Sunday morning

My beloved Husband

                                         Last evening I received
your letter of the 27th containing the first intelligence
of you having reached your fleet--this morning
I have two letters from you, dated 25th & 26th, and mailed
at Cairo.  Your last written letter, gives me the best
account of your health, though all you say, makes me
appreciate more fully, the peculiar danger to you, of
the climate to which you are exposed, and which
I fear must become more dangerous with every
day's advance.  the difficulties of a proper or willing
co-operation I had so fully anticipated, that I can=
not say, my anxiety is now increased, by finding
them likely to be realized.  The keen torturing personal
anxiety about you, overpowers all other consid=
erations--As to reputation, I have ceased to believe
in the possibility of obtaining it in this country, by
mere intellect, patriotism, and devoted self sacrifice
I expect to see you mis-represented and abused

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for the very self-abnegation which causes you to neglect
all care of yourself, or your own interests, in your
intense desire to do something for the country--Only
come back to me, safe & well, my dearest Husband,
and it will be of little importance to us,what
others say or think.  sometimes the pain is so keen
and fierce that I feel as if I could not endure it--
then a sort of dull submission comes over me--
a feeling of weakness and consciousness of my
utter inability to stem the torrent, that seems to be
hurrying us to destruction -- then a sudden desire
to do all you would like me to do, and I strive to
interest myself in the children, in the place, in
anything I think you would like me to care about--
But it is a fearful struggle for such a poor weak
nature as mine--
I wish I knew what you will think of
Charlie's having gone on to join you--It seemed
right and natural at the time--I was much
stunned by the first shock--nothing seemed to
me of much importance but what was connected
with  you. From what you say about the difficulty
of having any writing done, I hope he may have
be of some service to you in that way--This is

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his birthday--19 years to day--I have just received
a hurried note from him, by which I find he has
been detained--I would regret this, but feel that it
is impossible to know what is really best--
I will try to think of what would interest you have--
Both Willie & Nina have been quite sick for some days
but are now nearly well again--We have had a
long cold rainy spell, which still continues. the
men say, the harvest is very backward this
year, but Tom Flynn says he will commence cutting
the clover, as soon as it fairly clears up, with some
prospect of sunshine.  We have had no one here but
tom L. James for two weeks past.  The clover looks
very fine.  I wrote yesterday to Mother, giving her
the contents of your letter of the 27th    Mary will write
to her in the morning; one of us will write to her
every other day, or oftener if there is any thing
to tell her.  I received a short letter from her last
evening, from which I judged that she was not so
well as she had been, and that her breast troubles
her more, though she did not complain much of it.
I feel sure that you will neglect no means of writing
to me-- but again, I implore you, write fully--
Faithfully to me--Let me know the whole truth

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I will strive to do right, to act as you would wish,
but I cannot count on my own discretion if I am
tortured by the suspicion--that any ting is withheld
from me--It has been easy heretofore, but now with
this torture of apprehension of deadly peril, ever
present to me, it is absolutely necessary to my self=
control, that I shall feel assured of knowing the truth
the whole truth--

Mary sends her best love to her beloved Father--
so so the little ones, who seem to have an uneasy
consciousness that something is wrong, and ask me
constantly when dear Father will come home--I
cannot talk to them about you now--
Remember me affectionately to dear Alfred
if he is with you--I will write to his wife as soon
as I can--She must be suffering great anxiety.
Give my best love to m dear Son if he is with
you, and tell him I count on him to see that you
have no discomfort for fatigue that he can
spare you--May Heaven bless you both, and
bring you back safe to us--

your devoted and most anxious wife

unsigned letter of Elvira Stuart Ellet, wife of Charles Ellet, jr., 1810-1862, currently in command of the "Queen of the West."  Alfred would be the Commodore's brother, Union general Alfred Washington Ellet, 1820-1895.


MSS 276