1862 December 18 "Hopedale," Albemarle Coyunty, Va.

[from the diary of Mary S. Boydon of "Hopedale," Albemarle County, Va.]

Thursday 18th  "A day of days," indeed--One to be
long remembered! Raleigh was sent to Cobham
with a letter, enclosing stamps, & with stamps
on the outside--In the evening, Lilla & Celstine
were going to the Mill, when they found the letter
which ought to have been at the office, torn up
in the road, with all he stamps gone--The girls
immeasurably shocked, picked up the pieces &
brought them home, & told us all.  O god, how
my heart sank!  to find that he had been guilty
of such a crime!  But the motive for the act, was
what we could not make out.  The only one
we could conceive must be that he wanted the
stamps--Oh God, I had no idea how dear the
boy was to me, till I found him erring so
far--& many, many, fervent prayers went up
to God for him who so much needs the guid=
ance of the Spirit! My very love & anxiety made
me conjure up the worst of motives for the act
& caused me to charge him mentally with
much more folly & real black, falsehearted

-ness than I had ever thought of laying
on him before-Father will speak to him to=
morrow about it & like father's own self,
kindly, though firmly & seriously-May God
incline his heart to receive a lasting impression
& make him love the truth!  I think I must
talk to him too, before he goes away-may God
direct me in wisdom how to guide him & teach
him-father took John Lewis over to the doctor who,
when making inquiries pressed on his stomach, &
J.L. nearly fainted, showing some disease there--The
old Dr evidently thinks of typhoid fever-O,what
a miserable, wretched day this has been!-I think
I never realised the use of affliction so much as
today-for how my heart has sighed after the land
where there is no sin or sickness no sighing or
death, no tears or sorrow-I have tried to cast my
great burden on the Lord for oh, it is heavier than
I can bear alone-Father thinks there is a possibility
of my dear Raleigh's not being guilty after all.
He might have lost the letter, and not wished
to tell of it-& some one else have taken out the
stamps-God grant it-It is a ray of hope-
but my anxiety tells me not to trust to it-
I can go to bed, however, with a somewhat
lighter heart-News of the great battle of
Fredericksburg which was fought last Thursday
Friday & Saturday-The Yankees well whipped
so that they have left their position & gone
we know not where--They confess to a loss
of 25000 men-Our loss is about 1800 in killed
wounded & missing--300 or 400 killed we
think God be praised!  who helpeth us &
daily poureth his blessings upon us. the old
city of Fredericksburg, however, has been burned-
which we regret very much.  A poor afflicted
soldier called to spend the night-I never saw
a more distressed man-He had only been
married about seven months, & has just
heard of the death of his wife--He eat scarce
=ly anything,slept little, & was crying almost
all the time-He was on his way home-We
felt much for him-



MSS 4208