1862 May 23

May 23rd/62
My dearly beloved son--  [Howe Peyton Cochran]
All of this night, has
been spent in anxious thought
about you--and this morning I
feel as if I must attempt a
line or two in hopes of your
getting it in time to be
benefited by my weak suggestions
weak they are for my disease
unfits me for everything--I
hope & beg you will try and
get your Capts consent to
exhange you for a substitute
which you are aware has
been bought & was sent
but could not be permitted to
pass the lines for some reason

[page 2]
a sad an melancholy change has come over
me, God has laid his afflicting hand on
my poor body, but I hope & pray to be
resigned to  his will & to feel that it is
for my soul's good--I was too much
filled with the world's cares, too much
taken up with thoughts of you all
in the dangers that have surrounded you
for nearly a year past--& not grateful
enough for the wonderful mercies, that
have spared you all, so often through
dangers, both seen & unseen--the use
of my right side is spared me--I have
often thought of writing to you, but
knowing how often you heard through
N-[?] it from time to time--
for which I am sorry--try & write once
to m--I long to see you--yr Father
is well, & happy in having John & Jinny
home now--how long it will last
God only knows

[page 3]
My advice this morning to Nannie, will be to go
down to Richd & as we hear you are within 3
miles, maybe by a proper course, your Capt.
will permit you to come up to Richd to see her--
that is, if you cant be exchanged--but why
can't you?  Oh, I feel so anxious to see you
once more, but if it is God's will for us never
to meet in this life again--grant that we
may meet in a better world, where no tears
are shed, no parting is known & where all
shall be one bright Eternal day of [?]
[?] happiness--try my dear son to be
at peace with all & prepare to daily[?]
live so that you may not be afraid
to die--I know you believe in God, and in
Jesus Christ put all yr trust--he is willing, hi is
able to save all who come unto him--pray--
not only for yourself, but for all those who so
dearly love you--and remember how often I have
tried to pray, that God would save you forever
not only to glorify him, but to be a bright
shining example to yr fellow creatures in this world

[page 4]
Blair sent a Telegram last night saying he
had sent the substitute down but he was'not permitted to enter the lines--how can
it be accomplished? can't you do as he
says get up to Richd yrself & then take him
down? - but if not-try & do yr duty & be
obedient to those who have the right to
direct & govern you--a rebellious & proud
spirit God will surely punish--only
fear God, & serve him--& he will give you
a happy issue out off all yr trials &
troubles -& now my dear Howe, I must close
commending you to a covenant keeping
God to him who alone can save both
Soul & Body- & if it is his will for us never
to meet in this life grant that we
may see each other in the Life to come--
as ever yr devoted Mother--

MSS 9380